Mothers Day

Mothers Day was a good day this year, it was a little emotional for me, but still a nice day. Tyler made me a yummy breakfast of his delicious scrambled eggs, bacon, toast, orange juice and chocolate milk. It was really good. He then gave me some great ROXY perfume, and a cute braclet. It's funny because In December I was looking at perffumes with Bethanie and I had smelled the one that Tyler gave me and really liked it. He had no idea I had liked that one, so we were totally on the same wave length! On Saturday I was having some emotional trauma and I wasn't sure why, but then I realized it was because the next day was Mothers Day and I was just thinking about the son that I have, that I can't really be a mother to right now. When I think back on the day that he was born, my heart begins to ache a little bit. That day was the craziest day of my life and it will always be in the back of my mind. Even though I didn't get to know his personality, I miss him every day. He is my first born son, and he always will be. I only hope that I can be a good enough mother to the kids I will have on this earth, so that I can be with Easton again. Being a mother to a child who you don't have at the moment, has taught me a lot.

Tyler doesn't like it when I say " Step-Mom" so I will say learning to be the " other " mom has been very challenging. It is a role that I really never thought I would have to play. I have all the mom responsibilities when we have Kaili, but yet I did not give birth to her. As Kaili has gotten older she and I have become closer. I love her very much and feel lucky to be a part of her life. She always calls me mom now and that is the relationship that we have, since I came into her life when she was about 14 months old, she has kind of grown up with me being there. She has a lot going on in her life and she deals with it pretty well. Sometimes it is really hard, because I feel a lot of pressure of other people looking at me and watching what I am doing. But I have just decided that Tyler and I have to do what we think is best for her and that is all we can do. I want her to be happy and feel loved and always feel a part of our family, which I know that she does. When we had her last time, I was in the baby's room reading a book on the rocking chair, and she came in and wanted to start looking at all of the baby stuff, she was so excited and was folding all the burp cloths and looking in the drawers. I know it will be an adjustment for her, with another child in her dad's life, but I also know she will love this baby and want to help as much as she can. I have learned so much from being a part of Kaili's life and hopefully that will help me in raising this little boy that we get to meet in about two months! Thanks Kaili, I do love you very much and I am trying my best for you!

Since Mothers Day was yesterday I just wanted to say something about my mom. I love her very much. And as I have gotten older, I have really come to appreciate and understand all that she does for me and for my whole family. I wasn't the easiest teen ager, I was confusing and shut off a lot of the time, and my mom still stood by my side no matter what. She never gave up on me, and if she had I probably would have given up on myself. She is so willing to help her kids and she loves being a Grandma. She treats Kaili just as if she were own flesh and blood grandchild and Kaili loves her very much. I have learned a lot from my mom. She is so talented in so many aspects, and I only hope that I can strive to be more like her! Thanks mom for all you do! I love you!

I am also so excited for the pending arrival of our son. I feel so blessed and lucky to have been allowed the chance to bring another child into this world. I already love him so much and I can't wait for Tyler and I to meet him. I know our lives will be changing drastically, but this is something I have always wanted and I can't wait to begin this journey!