Timing is everything....

Life has a funny way of teaching us lessons. I believe in timing, like the song says " When the stars line up, and you catch a break, people think you're lucky, but you know its grace, it can happen so fast, or a little bit late, timing is everything" Tyler and I met before we were both married to our first spouses, but the timing wasn't right, 3 years later when the stars lined up, the timing was right, and we got married. I never thought I would be married at 21 and then divorced at 23, and then remarried almost exactly a year later. I never thought I would get pregnant at 25 and lose a baby at 25. I never thought I could run a 5K and I did at 28. I never thought I would get a hysterectomy at age 33, and deal with all the fun stuff associated with that at such a young age. 

As a teenager I was skinny, I, of course thought I was fat, but that  wasn't true. I had some highly abstracted view of myself and the way I looked. Why? A few things to come mind. When I was in 8th grade, at the age of 13, I was getting ready to go on stage to sing in the school talent show, a "friend" of mine, handed me a note, having no idea what this note said I opened it up. On it, it said, "Do you think BreeAnn is fat?" the answer was " She is a little on the chunky side" , the answer was from a boy I had a crush on all year. This was over 21 years ago and to this DAY that note still has an affect on me. It shouldn't; but it does. At the tender age of 13 my whole world flipped upside down, and on the inside I was crumbling into a million tiny pieces. It took me years to build those walls back up inside of me. A lot of the choices I made in my life from that day forward circled back to that note. Granted I stand by my choices and take full responsibility for everything that has happened in my life. It should be noted that 3 years later, said boy apologized for that note, as he saw how I was affected by it, said girl, probably to this day has no idea how much that note broke me. 

I started doing stupid things to my body, working out WAY too much for a teenage girl, eating less and less, taking lots of aspirin and Tylenol, because of all the headaches I was getting from lack of food. Threw up for awhile as well. Lost my High School love, because I was too messed up. I don't blame him for wanting out, I relied on him for my own happiness, which is something I have now learned  you cannot do. 

We have to create our own happiness, other people can MAKE us happy, but they cannot KEEP us happy we have to do that for ourselves. In my first marriage, once I started taking birth control, I gained a lot of weight and quickly. I also was unhappy, due to choices I had made and I was spiraling out of control. In the 2nd  year  of my first marriage  I started working out again and losing the weight. He still left me, but in the end that was one of the best things that has happened to me. I then met up with  Tyler again. I was so nervous for him to see me the first time, because originally when he had seen me I was skinnier . However when I saw him for our " 2nd first time" I could see it in his eyes that he thought I was just as beautiful as I was 3 years ago. And my protected hurting heart, melted away a layer, and I felt that maybe, just maybe I was actually good enough, pretty enough for someone no matter what size I was. 

Tyler and I have been married for almost 11 years, and through all of my ups and downs, weight gains, weight losses, pregnancies, diets, exercise fads, he has loved me no matter what. Through all of our trails, arguments, frustrations with each other he has never once made me feel less. 

Since my hysterectomy and messing with my hormones, it has been incredibly hard for me to lose weight. I was starting to feel anxious and unhappy and angry all the time. I didn't like it. In 2016 I would on my mental state of mind. And now in  2017 I decided I had to take control of the physical aspects in my life. I am pretty good at taking care of everything else, giving, helping ,loving others, except for loving myself. I decided to write more blog posts about my life,  also my kids and things that are happening, but also about me. Because I matter. I mean something to people. I am worth it. 

So for fun, here are a few fun facts about me. Bonnie BreeAnn McDermott Fankhauser 

1. Some of my all time favorite movies are: The Fugitive, Remember the Titans, You've Got Mail

2. To Kill A Mocking Bird is my favorite book 

3. I have sang at Disneyland, Knots Berry Farm, the Disney Land Hotel, and sang the National Anthem at a Bee's Game.

4.I used to hate nuts in anything, but I am now a big fan of chocolate covered almonds, or peanuts. I still do not like nuts in ice cream.

5. I love the RED star burst.

6. My food guilty pleasures are ice cream, shakes, cookies, Pasta, Mexican food, buttery popcorn

7. I am the worst at doing my own make up and hair.

8. I really hope to write a book one day and have it published.

9. I could read all.day.long.

10. I am a good swimmer. 

11. My favorite color is pink. 

12. I love the Beach Boys.

13. I hope to have a cabin in Heber one day.

14.  I have no confidence in my dancing skills or lack thereof

15. I am not afraid to speak in public

16. I usually eat an apple a day

17. I have had my ear drums rupture multiple times

18. I love the smell of lilacs

19. I have never been to Hawaii or Europe and hope to go someday

20. I have always wanted dark red hair.